July 28th, 2008
July 4th, 2008
April 21st, 2008
February 7th, 2008
i'm watching dress for success. and i don't agree with all their choices. of course being a satanic witch means bolder and brazen. at least to me. i listened to the satanic mass up to zeena's invocation. it relaxed me. and i had nightmares all night about my father. my happily at least foir me dead father.
all my issues probably stem from him. even down to my sexuality. instead of running to the first church to cleanse myself. i let my sexuality be pretty much what it is. so i fucked my father. or should i say he fucked me.. that was a long time ago. and iwhat is important is that i have better more considerate lovers. who didn't damage myself essteem. i admit in my manic state last night. i couldn't believe i was ready to throw my man to the wolves. it's like wake up and see the goddess i am. oh please just for once try to leave your misery. a lesson i need to. cr. is right. we comiserate.
it needs to stop. we have deep relationship and he is very special to me. but dman i need something we need something to not be so bored..
as for my demon mate. heit hasn't formed yet. but i felt the energy present last night. i need my needs met. but i have this peroblem i don'tr know what i need or what. never have. well not exactly. i have accomplished a lot. but i want credit and attention. posisitve attention. by the way i suck at typing and don't really give a toss. this is a journal not a paper for school.
anyway. we'll see which witch wins.
so to deal with the needs of a mate that can give m what i need. i will follow antons advice. i will find a demon lover and mate. my mental husband or whatever. one worthy of respect. and who will treat me the way i wish to be treated. sounds easy. i'm sure ineed to do research. but i'm needing this very much.
also rightnow i really rock and like me.
February 6th, 2008
i've been putting together a bloodsports fetish scrabbook project. i like the amateur pics so much better than the fake blood thing.
i don't have a desire to bleed myself but i do have a desire to be extremeely personal with some young beauitufl woman ina very bloody and sexual way.
i got my bunny book. playboy is definately a family. but i think i'm too eclectic to join. i only want to admire it. it's not really a joke but it's a bit of cute attempt to usurp anton lavey's satanic witch. the former is so much more powerful even if a bit out of date.
i realised that i may mor mot join the cos. for awhile i wa wondering what do i have to offer them. theni realise what do they really have to offer me? the temple of the vampire seems a lot more interesting in their very expensive secfret way of joining. but they seem serious. right now who really cares.
i want to do what i want to do.
and that is tak a nap.
p.s. i want body sex. my mind sex is just satiating me. i'm not sure if i care. that's what dreams and demon lovers are for.
September 7th, 2007
this girly witch. feels so many things about herself. i removed an old trinket. my wedding ring to a man i was involved with very personally for ten years.. i took off the wedding ring. and realised it was was wheni was forming into the idividual i am the one that always brings turmoil. i have sufferred sometimes for my path and opinions and lifestyles. but i don't feel sorry formyself. i realized what a gift i have and the awareness i have gained about my own personal power. power exchanges seem to be high on the witches mind today. an adult littlgurl satanist. she is being fashioned. a work of art. i am enjoying the facets of of the depth of my personality. understanding some of my social 'weaknesses because they aren't weaknesses. theya re strength. i am very inspired this year about learning about me and enjoying aging both mentalllyand physically. ia m a woman, child, temptress all femenine. powerfull even in alleged weakness. these quirks so labellled wrongly. these are me. adn my facets. and i am always growing. and it does make me stronger. my indulgeneces are very satisfying. and i feel a wall of thought on all the things i do and don't do. and why. exploring this puzzle amd mystery is definately not boring.
my image is evolving. i notice these days that no lady goes to a bar anymore wearing heels and a skirt. om my. your wearing a skirt?
yes siree in the beginning of my middle age and also my alg side. is the so many permutations of me. always rising and being remade or added on to. some things fade soem things grow more complex.
hail thyseelf perhaps i tell you some of the trouble my lust can get me in.
April 29th, 2007
October 2nd, 2005
at least the hair is right